I sleep. I sleep a lot lately. I sleep when my two daughters are with their dad for the weekend. I go back to bed after I drive the girls to school. I always say YES! if they ask me to lay down and watch a movie. I cuddle up in my bed wrapped in warm blankets with my puffy pillows and my little dog and I rest. I think. I sleep. I rest.
Sleep has a magical quality for me right now. It helps to restore me. I am not embarrassed to say that there have been entire days seemingly ‘lost’ to my bed. Getting plenty of rest is important. And sometimes you do just need to shut the entire world out and retreat into yourself. In any spare time that I am alone, this is what I do. I actually daydream during the day about when I can go to sleep. I crave it lately.
When you go through a difficult emotional time you become drained. So, so, so drained. It takes a while to catch up and give your body and your mind time to rejuvenate itself. I think I am almost done sleeping. It is helping me. I look more refreshed. I feel more whole. Don’t be afraid to sleep! Tasks undone can go by the wayside for a few weeks if you need them to.
Right now sleep is my medicine. For a full month I have slept any time that I can. The other day it rained. It rained all day while I lay in bed listening to the water tap against the roof. It was beautiful. I was content in my cocoon. But I am feeling that my attachment to this new ritual is coming to an end. I am ready to move to the next phase. I am ready to leave my cocoon behind and reemerge.
On my map of survival the first stop is rest. This is not a rest of depression or sadness or loneliness. This is a resting of my inner self. A peaceful solitude that I have been longing for. A respite from the turmoil and the doubt that had taken over my life. Emerging from a difficult time in your life? Try some sleep. Put on your pajamas. Make a cup of tea. Get a fluffy down blanket and some soft comfortable pillows and snuggle up for a while. It’s OK.
Well here I am.
Newly and finally divorced and wishing that I could find a guide book, directions or some sort of frame work to follow to show me exactly how to start my life over. I want to follow directions. I want someone to tell me what to do. I want to follow in someones footsteps. But I can’t seem to find anything that completely resonates with me. I must create my own map. Find my own place. Fix my own mistakes. Re-create my life – on my own.
Maybe the way that I find will ultimately help someone else down the road. Maybe sharing this process will help me. Right now I am not so sure about anything except my complete confidence that I will weather the storm and I will survive. I will be happy. I will be fulfilled and I will create the life that I always hoped that I would have.
And if I am alone right now that is OK. I am alone but I am not lonely. I have work to do and I am ready.
Join me on the journey . . .